Monday
Sunday
Failure once, never again.
Fearless; I am striving to achieve, although I am far from it.
The other day, I recalled a opportunity that I had grasped, and actively let go. It was a job. It was such a terrible idea to walk away from it. I had feared the effort I was required to put in, and now, I yearn for it. I don't like living in the past...but this, I haven't forgiven myself for yet. I can blame a couple of things for my failure in it, but ultimately, I am the one who has failed that endeavor. Let this be the last time I fail deliberately and so terribly at something, let this be the leverage i need
to never fail again.
To be grown.
Do you ever think of how odd it is to be an adult? When I converse with people, acquaintances, sort-of friends, they're also grown, perhaps slightly older than I, they're also grown and they're responding to me like an adult with adult ideas and adult words. It's quite strange. I sometimes feel as if still 13, wishing I could be in my twenties so I can be respected and listened to and now that I'm here, the feeling of being 13 is still there however, my mind is endlessly more advanced, my thought processing has elevated greatly and so has my understanding of life experiences. Although, I am aware of all this..perhaps to a degree that it makes me feel astonished at the words I speak and efficiency of my comprehension. I wonder if anyone else feels like this, I am sure many do, but do not speak of it in fear of losing respect or credibility as a grown person.
I must say, being grown is wonderful, to have this body that I can utilize, to have discovered my interests and subjects of study, to know what I like as well as dislike. It is quite magnificent, but still strange. I wonder if I will feel this way when I am older, when I settle more into the adult mentality; I probably will, I hope I will. I think losing the sense of childhood and freedom to do as you wish is essentially forgetting how to breathe.
I must say, being grown is wonderful, to have this body that I can utilize, to have discovered my interests and subjects of study, to know what I like as well as dislike. It is quite magnificent, but still strange. I wonder if I will feel this way when I am older, when I settle more into the adult mentality; I probably will, I hope I will. I think losing the sense of childhood and freedom to do as you wish is essentially forgetting how to breathe.
To be determined.
Being successful is all about forcing yourself to do things that you don't want to do. Ultimately if you continue doing things that are unpleasant, yet positive, you will condition yourself into liking them. Second piece, understand that accomplishments are based on the same principles as inertia. Start something and see.
Wednesday
Friday
To be alive...
To be alive, is the most wonderful thing. It trumps, without question, anything imaginable. To be breathe, is magnificent. To hear and see...to feel, to touch, to taste, without them, what we be? Not us, of course. Not the endlessly complex creatures we have grown to be.
We are blessed by something unknown to possess these abilities. Never, ever think less than that, otherwise, you are the farthest from living. Do all you can to be real and who you are in your dreams because really, that is the reality you belong it; your own.
We are blessed by something unknown to possess these abilities. Never, ever think less than that, otherwise, you are the farthest from living. Do all you can to be real and who you are in your dreams because really, that is the reality you belong it; your own.
Adele - Someone Like You (Live in Her Home)
Words. There are none. Beautiful.
Check out the glimpse of her bookcase and she's got Atlas Shrugged sitting behind a rubber band ball. I have gained so much respect for her.
Ayn Randians!
This place and that other place.
Trains, museums, class, work...it's all a show. All places to showcase our facets, the pieces of ourselves that we choose to accentuate and hope others notice. Is it an admirable tradition of human nature? Is it pointless? Is it worth-while? Why do we care so much of others opinions and judgments on us? Because we are people, people with minds with the ability to think. Our actions are not always justifiable, thought through, right, wrong or any of these. Sometimes, they just are.
This world of Vitamin Shoppe consisting of a handle of people, it is ours. It's small, not even a noticeable speck on the millions of microcosms that fill our world...but it exists and I am a part of it. I care for it. This little place with these walls and these 4 people, they bring forth parts of me that I never knew existed and so, I cannot fully explain to the world how wonderfully magnificent it is. I can't help but compare it to the Office. That little world of just a handful of people who sell paper, just a minuscule part of the world, they are fully immersed in something. Their lives, once joined, overlap and play incredibly crucial roles in each others lives. It is a wonderful thing that does not require words to be described. It just is.
This world of Vitamin Shoppe consisting of a handle of people, it is ours. It's small, not even a noticeable speck on the millions of microcosms that fill our world...but it exists and I am a part of it. I care for it. This little place with these walls and these 4 people, they bring forth parts of me that I never knew existed and so, I cannot fully explain to the world how wonderfully magnificent it is. I can't help but compare it to the Office. That little world of just a handful of people who sell paper, just a minuscule part of the world, they are fully immersed in something. Their lives, once joined, overlap and play incredibly crucial roles in each others lives. It is a wonderful thing that does not require words to be described. It just is.
The need to write.
It's September. It's a new month. It's a new season, new surroundings, new experiences, new atmosphere, new attire.
Today, on September 6th, it's a chilly morning. Fall, it's close and there is no strong enough power to stop it. Seasons must come, as the next second hand tick will tock. At first, Fall is always nostalgic and sweet to me, but as the colder weather hits without reservation right behind the comfortable atmosphere of Autumn...I am not as content.
I started school about a week ago. I feel a combination of anticipation, worry, excitement and denial of it having approached so quickly. This Summer has been fantastic by anyone's standards so the simple fact of it passing remarkably fast was quite expected.
My bike has become my transportation to work on the weekends to both save money and get some exercise that involves me being outside rather than my kitchen.
I've read some articles discussing writers' need to write in equivalence to sustenance; it's something that comforted me rather than shocked me. That overwhelming feeling of deprivation, of how that moment when the words are thought of in the most perfect of ways and how the thoughts themselves are so clear and paramount that no other thought can POSSIBLE trump its worth and state of existence, right? But of course, as the day I am respectively experiencing wears on, the thoughts diminishes and nothing is left but a vague, apparently unimportant thought that seems silly to begin with...but that's the thing, it IS important, PAST the threshold of important, it's dire and sadly enough, it has passed without any way to remember it in its original shimmer.
Unfortunately, nothing can arouse similar feelings as the ones that saturated the previous ones.
Today, on September 6th, it's a chilly morning. Fall, it's close and there is no strong enough power to stop it. Seasons must come, as the next second hand tick will tock. At first, Fall is always nostalgic and sweet to me, but as the colder weather hits without reservation right behind the comfortable atmosphere of Autumn...I am not as content.
I started school about a week ago. I feel a combination of anticipation, worry, excitement and denial of it having approached so quickly. This Summer has been fantastic by anyone's standards so the simple fact of it passing remarkably fast was quite expected.
My bike has become my transportation to work on the weekends to both save money and get some exercise that involves me being outside rather than my kitchen.
I've read some articles discussing writers' need to write in equivalence to sustenance; it's something that comforted me rather than shocked me. That overwhelming feeling of deprivation, of how that moment when the words are thought of in the most perfect of ways and how the thoughts themselves are so clear and paramount that no other thought can POSSIBLE trump its worth and state of existence, right? But of course, as the day I am respectively experiencing wears on, the thoughts diminishes and nothing is left but a vague, apparently unimportant thought that seems silly to begin with...but that's the thing, it IS important, PAST the threshold of important, it's dire and sadly enough, it has passed without any way to remember it in its original shimmer.
Unfortunately, nothing can arouse similar feelings as the ones that saturated the previous ones.
Reality.
The following is some commentary I wrote in response to an innovative psychology book. I wrote this in April of 2011 I believe.
Reading a book called Reality Therapy. It's based on a new approach to therapy, whether it be voluntary or involuntary. It's honestly brilliant.. I hate admitting that I find myself in one particular case-study discussed.. but not to the same self-destructive degree as he is described.
This boy resents his mother because she spends all her time with her boyfriend and not where she should, with her young troubled son. He becomes destructive, rebellious, verbally abusive to all around him and generally quite sensitive. He lacks the ability to process and execute a response to any kind of frustration. He cannot find friends or companions because no one seeks him out because of his destructive and frankly, horrific ways so in response, he gives the impression of not having a desire to even have a friend from the beginning. The, "I don't want friends anyway, so fuck all of you" attitude. He refuses to discuss anything concrete or in relation to his situation.
The most noticeable and perhaps, the most self destructive issue
Reading a book called Reality Therapy. It's based on a new approach to therapy, whether it be voluntary or involuntary. It's honestly brilliant.. I hate admitting that I find myself in one particular case-study discussed.. but not to the same self-destructive degree as he is described.
This boy resents his mother because she spends all her time with her boyfriend and not where she should, with her young troubled son. He becomes destructive, rebellious, verbally abusive to all around him and generally quite sensitive. He lacks the ability to process and execute a response to any kind of frustration. He cannot find friends or companions because no one seeks him out because of his destructive and frankly, horrific ways so in response, he gives the impression of not having a desire to even have a friend from the beginning. The, "I don't want friends anyway, so fuck all of you" attitude. He refuses to discuss anything concrete or in relation to his situation.
The most noticeable and perhaps, the most self destructive issue
Revelation.
There are no rules to when you can do things, no one is controlling your actions but yourself, no one is creating your intentions but yourself, no one is telling you what to think but yourself. If you choose to believe and do what the ones around you are....then you've lost yourself, and you fall into the majority of people who aren't even people anymore, they're all drones, repeats, copies, clones, boring and useless. Wherever your ideas are rooted, make sure that they are your own without any skew from the external world.
Atlas.
The power had gone, and the shape it left had not been able to stand without it.
-Atlas Shrugged
-Atlas Shrugged
Sunday
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