new revelations

I'm so different now. 

I haven't written a cohesive collection of words about how my life has changed in the last year so drastically. 140 characters per tweet and small notes in my phone aren't particularly comparable to sitting down and thoroughly combing through the reality of it.

I know I saw this all time, perhaps to the point of sounding dimly repetitive and overly zen, but DUDE, yoga was viscerally and perpetually changed the course of my life. Note how I say the course of my life. This change is irreversible and I welcome it as such. It's pretty shocking that learning a new form of exercise that purely was intended for me to "lose weight" (at this point, a very annoying and empty statement), has now innately altered my perception of absolutely everything surrounding my existence. 

It has been a year since I seriously began my practice. It has been a year since I breathed deeper, felt more, loved more, judged less, freed myself, experienced true patience, and woke up feeling happy purely because I am alive. I've realized that "happy" is a tremendously relative term. It is, essentially, what you want it to be, and whatever that may indicate for you, it shall guide you towards that direction.

I know all of this may sounds like a boat load of yoga garbage or repetitive zen crap, but I don't care about what this means for anyone other than myself. This has served me more than anything else in my little life.

I've been taught to live where I am, where I've taken the breath I'm breathing, to thrive in the moment I'm walking through. In every asana (pose), I cannot ponder my extensive to do lists, where I'll be going afterwards, the worry of where life may or may not take me... none of that matters when I'm metaphorically sitting comfortably in the moment I'm in.

A factor that helped most is the suggestion I received to visualize all that I'm describing and feeling. Find a physical manifestation of your thoughts, make them into something palpable to your mind, whatever it may be. For example, at the end of every class, the teacher is always to ring the Tibetan Singing bowl which indicates today's practice has ended. I've found that over time, the sound of the bowl becomes a physical blanket of warm waves washing over everyone in the room. We are all together, feeling what we're feeling. I feel like I'm alone in the room, but never lonely. The bowl gives me a feeling similar to when I first hear an exceptionally beautiful song; it overcomes me in a way that words can never do justice. I am open to this feeling and it's why the blanket of waves created by the bowl has the power to overcome me. It resonates inward and outward in such a way that cleanses me of my dark thoughts and negativity.

That is an example of a visualization from an aspect of yoga. Every facet I've experienced and will experience will be imagined in such ways. It is the only way to truly make it your own in a unique personal way.

This is my choice. This has happened because I had my heart and mind open to this experience. My current perception towards this change in me is purely mine. It cannot be duplicated by another in the same order along the same path. Every choice I've made thus far has led me to this moment, to this very second I'm typing the effect a simple practice can have on the mind. This is my interpretation, and this is the effect I feel it has had on me. I respect deeply people who cannot grasp the meaning of all this because this isn't a common thing. I understand that. And I let it be.

I admit though, it still stings a bit when the importance of this experience is diminished by someone's words. I have learned to understand this behavior, but it is difficult to accept. To reference an example, someone once told me,

“I had such a fucking horrible day.
**goes on to list all the things that went wrong**
everything annoyed me. I hate everything. I hate everyone. Oh. Joan SO SORRY I ruined your zen epiphany. **sarcasm**.”

I see what the problem is with your day, friend, but why must you diminish MY ways of dealing with frustration or things not going as planned and make them comparable to yours? I am like this because I've been led here, and I choose to stay so why does it have to be a topic of dismissal, as if I'm not aware of reality and that it entails? I very well know all the horror that occurs around me, perhaps too aware. I very well know that not every day goes by wonderfully with bright colors and smiles. I. KNOW. THIS. So please, please do not dismiss or compact my ways into a useless bin.

Realistically, I know I have to eventually completely put aside any feeling of dismay towards such comments. I am taking my time to truly exercise my mind towards mastering this complete peace. I am deeply sorry if it is not understood.

Other than this, here a couple of things I've jotted down over the past couple of months.

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No one has taught us how to look within, to find within, and to verify within. In meditation and yoga, you find the affirmation that genuine stillness and serenity can be achieved without effort, without hustling or bustling through it artificially.

We are taught how to move and behave in the outer world, but we are never taught how to be still and examine what is within ourselves. When we learn to do this through meditation and yoga, we attain the highest of all joys that can ever be experienced by a human being. All the other joys in the world are momentary, but the joy of meditation is immense and everlasting.

The true beauty of mediation is finding your ability to feel, to find your inner power, to find your deepest and truest self in order ultimately harvest the best version of everything you've learned about yourself.

One must become aware of where your mind wanders when you are truly alone.

Spiritual growth is a natural ability of humans. Not often is it cultivated, but when awareness is brought to this ability, the "inner work" can begin. One must work the mind as one also works the muscles. The aphorism "use it or lose it" applies to this well.

The ultimate point of mediation is that it spills into all other aspects of your life. Suddenly, a stressful situation can feel infinitely better through taking a moment to think inward and let that clarity spill outwards. Suddenly, your tolerance for negativity is much lower.

Shakti is the core energy tool that catalyzes all other energies surrounding it. Shakti is known to be feminine by nature but can also be adequately utilized by the masculine group. Shakti, in my opinion, was created for the purpose of giving humans the palpable ability to feel and ultimately visualize energy flowing outward and inward in an endless circle of power. This power can harnessed and applied to all other aspects of life.

THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. HARNESS YOUR PEACE AND ENERGY CREATED AND YOGA, AND APPLY IT TO ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR BEING. WHAT YOU WILL FIND MAY SURPRISE YOU.