no subject. at all.

FJLSKGJWOIGJIBKFDBREHGRHOIJERIOJBNDKBNDJRHEAOIGRHGBUFJBNDBKJKSDLGJISGOEWIG
GKFGJIFDJHRAEOERIOBJIBKDBKLDGIGJGKEHWIGTEWGHRIGFDJGRLKGHEWUHRJGHDFBUIDGHUI
JKGHRGKWEHGWHRUGJHBVJHFDHEUGEUIYRWUIFEHFJDKGHDJKVBJKVSDJKGHSEFUEYHFUIGHJDS
DHJGVHSEUKFGEUIFHEUJHJKVBSDGJKEHFIUWHFEUGVDKVBNLKGHLEAUTOIETYEIOGHSBKHKJHD
NVCBVNLDKSGHEIYEHITYEWIGHSBJKDBNHLKDSGHLKDGHLKDSGHKDSLVNLKDSGFAJGKVAFWAUGT
JKVBHDSJKGHUIGYWGYEUIDSBHKDSLBKDLBNGLKEGHOEWIGWRGURIOSBNSKBVNDKBHISODEGEIO
NVDJSKGHEWGHWEITUYRWHWUGRNBKSJDNVKEJFHEIOYEHIOGHEWOIGVFSHVBKDSNBVFKSGHIKGH
VVNJSKGHESJHGSDJKHNJKVNDVDKVLNDSKLGHEIGHSIFSNBNBJFSHGOIESGHIREGHFSIBVNFSBN
FJLSKGJWOIGJIBKFDBREHGRHOIJERIOJBNDKBNDJRHEAOIGRHGBUFJBNDBKJKSDLGJISGOEWIG
GKFGJIFDJHRAEOERIOBJIBKDBKLDGIGJGKEHWIGTEWGHRIGFDJGRLKGHEWUHRJGHDFBUIDGHUI
JKGHRGKWEHGWHRUGJHBVJHFDHEUGEUIYRWUIFEHFJDKGHDJKVBJKVSDJKGHSEFUEYHFUIGHJDS
DHJGVHSEUKFGEUIFHEUJHJKVBSDGJKEHFIUWHFEUGVDKVBNLKGHLEAUTOIETYEIOGHSBKHKJHD
NVCBVNLDKSGHEIYEHITYEWIGHSBJKDBNHLKDSGHLKDGHLKDSGHKDSLVNLKDSGFAJGKVAFWAUGT
JKVBHDSJKGHUIGYWGYEUIDSBHKDSLBKDLBNGLKEGHOEWIGWRGURIOSBNSKBVNDKBHISODEGEIO
NVDJSKGHEWGHWEITUYRWHWUGRNBKSJDNVKEJFHEIOYEHIOGHEWOIGVFSHVBKDSNBVFKSGHIKGH
VVNJSKGHESJHGSDJKHNJKVNDVDKVLNDSKLGHEIGHSIFSNBNBJFSHGOIESGHIREGHFSIBVNFSBN
FJLSKGJWOIGJIBKFDBREHGRHOIJERIOJBNDKBNDJRHEAOIGRHGBUFJBNDBKJKSDLGJISGOEWIG
GKFGJIFDJHRAEOERIOBJIBKDBKLDGIGJGKEHWIGTEWGHRIGFDJGRLKGHEWUHRJGHDFBUIDGHUI
JKGHRGKWEHGWHRUGJHBVJHFDHEUGEUIYRWUIFEHFJDKGHDJKVBJKVSDJKGHSEFUEYHFUIGHJDS
DHJGVHSEUKFGEUIFHEUJHJKVBSDGJKEHFIUWHFEUGVDKVBNLKGHLEAUTOIETYEIOGHSBKHKJHD
NVCBVNLDKSGHEIYEHITYEWIGHSBJKDBNHLKDSGHLKDGHLKDSGHKDSLVNLKDSGFAJGKVAFWAUGT
JKVBHDSJKGHUIGYWGYEUIDSBHKDSLBKDLBNGLKEGHOEWIGWRGURIOSBNSKBVNDKBHISODEGEIO
NVDJSKGHEWGHWEITUYRWHWUGRNBKSJDNVKEJFHEIOYEHIOGHEWOIGVFSHVBKDSNBVFKSGHIKGH
VVNJSKGHESJHGSDJKHNJKVNDVDKVLNDSKLGHEIGHSIFSNBNBJFSHGOIESGHIREGHFSIBVNFSBN

i got nothin.

if it kills me

I'm sinking like a stone in the sea.
I'm burning like a bridge for your body.

top of my mind

Wake up. Get out of bed and stop hiding under the duvet, no matter how warm it is. You will get nothing accomplished. Put some clothes on. Wear the red tights with the mustard yellow shoes. Arrange the 3 day old curls in your hair. Do something nice for yourself today. Get pretty for absolutely no reason other than to prove to yourself that you’re not worthless and sloven. Go to your favorite record store and listen to the old man’s playlist that usually consists of Howlin’ Wolf and strange 60s Middle Eastern music. Buy yourself your favorite garlic and tomato burrito, and make sure you get extra guacamole. Drive past Emily Dickinson’s house and imagine the lack of life she had. Spend the extra money on your favorite art magazine and plan a trip to Sweden in your head. Sing your favorite songs in your car. Make a pit stop to the reservoir. Collect the last leaves from autumn. Watch the sun sink into the horizon.Don’t stare at your phone and wait for it to vibrate. Don’t mope. Don’t think about the only men in your life that have belittled you this week. Don’t sit. Don’t wait. Don’t look at the time that you’ve always set to three hours behind. Don’t delay your life even though someone has attempted to delay yours."


Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do the same for them.

For the third reiteration, we are our biggest thieves. We allow a slight level of torture towards ourselves...a compensation mechanism if you must. Whether it be subconscious or conscious, it is present within most of us. We have sinned, so we permit a level of continuous failure to sort of, punish ourselves. I have watched myself commit this crime towards myself endless times, and it doesn't seem to fail.

We live a culture of guilt. Not of shame.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>


I know all right choices. I have an outline. I have the ideas. What holds us back is the fear of breaking someone else, of our skepticism towards the outcome, the future, the days we breathe alongside our decisions.

We fear the "ifs", the effects, the OTHER possibility and if it would've brought us more happiness. What holds me back is the hope of potential growth. We ponder it, we mull it over in our minds, we never let it leave our questionable minds.